Q&A Is Recovery Delayed Because We Are Also Best Friends?

My husband & I have been together more than half of our lives and really grew up together. Since discovery 16 months ago we have both been working really hard to recover. Our therapist said he’s never seen a couple more determined than us. He also says we do too much for each other. Often times we are more focused on helping the other than we are ourselves. When I’m feeling bad about anything in my life he’s the one I turn to. He is usually so warm, compassionate and supportive. But when it comes to helping me with the pain I feel from his affair he gets triggered and is often not only not compassionate but often times mean and angry at me for bringing it up. He says it kills him to see how much pain he’s put me in and he doesn’t know how to handle it. His shame and guilt seem to overpower his need to help me. Should I stop turning to him as my best friend? I have a great support circle of friends but no one brings me the comfort he does when he’s not also triggered. How can we end this vicious cycle that keeps us stuck and delays our recovery?