Q&A Should I Ask My Unfaithful Wife for What I Want?

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Question: 

After a 2 year affair, my wife of 40 years left me to be with her AP. For the next year and a half, they were together publicly and he began going to her family gatherings. Everyone knew what happened, but they were supportive of her and accepting of him. My wife and I are back together now and doing very well in our recovery. But I am struggling with the idea of seeing her family. Being with them again after they had all gotten to know the new boyfriend would be awkward, painful and humiliating. I have thought of asking my wife to write a letter to her family. If she explained that she deeply regrets that she almost destroyed our family and that she is grateful that I forgave her and took her back, I think it would go a long way toward helping me face them with self-respect instead of humiliation. It would also mean a lot if she wrote a similar letter to my mother and family, saying how sorry she is and asking for their forgiveness. However, I’m afraid to ask her because I’m fairly certain she would not want to do it. It would be too difficult for her and would make her feel like she was being shamed and punished. She would rather avoid the subject and go on as if nothing had ever changed. What can I do to deal with this situation?

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