Q&A Is There Anything I Can Be Doing to Leave an Opening for a Different Path?

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My wife blindsided me by asking for a divorce in a letter and told me she didn't love me anymore. Four months of hard work ensued where I did all I could to fight for the marriage and through efforts of family and friends, my wife joined me in counseling. It was there that the truth came out, she claimed to have fallen in love with another man and was in a full blown affair. Sadly, thought, with disclosure, she only pushed divorce harder and left to be with the affair partner. I don't believe my wife is truly acting without influence. I feel this is a strong emotional affair and limerence is involved. But with her rewriting our history and marriage negatively, her believing she cannot love me, is there any hope of her coming out of limerence without seeking counseling or specialized help? I wish it hadn't had ended this way so we could have gone through the program AR offers together. I'm pursuing Harboring Hope alone but would love any advice or input. She's communicating seldom through email and through a mediator friend just very transactional and logistical questions about sharing our dog, handling separating assets and beginning the divorce process (because I put up the boundary of not wanting to see or hear from her if she continued to be with this other man while we were married). I still love her dearly but hate what has happened. I want more than anything for her to turn around, own up to her mistakes, and do the right thing and work on herself. But I know I have no control over that. But in our communications and with my strong boundaries, is there anything I can be doing that could potential leave openings for healing and for a better path that might open up for her, me and the marriage?



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