Q&A What Is the Difference between Setting Boundaries and Judging?

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Question: 

My husband states I am judging him when I point out his destructive behavior and lies surrounding the affair. He is a historical cheater, every partner he has ever had. I know that doesn’t say much for me making him my choice- don’t judge me *wink. He maintains contact with his AP and has always had many female relationships that include flirty conversations and pictures of themselves in bikinis. My husband states he doesn't see any harm in having this relationships. I have battled this with him for years! He doesn’t feel he needs to discard people or be rude and not speak to the AP when they cross paths at work. My point is I don’t think I’m judging when I’m stating the obvious truth followed by setting boundaries. It’s gone too far and I feel so unsafe. We are going through a divorce we don’t live together but he still doesn’t see that these relationships are unhealthy for a marriage. He doesn’t want the divorce and I feel I have no other choice because he’s narcissistic and refuses recovery work. Can you explain when a betrayed is judging versus setting boundaries when it comes to dealing with the lies and acts in the wayward spouse’s affair?

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