Q&A What Should My Next Move Be?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


We've been married 24 years. My husband's affair is going on 2.75 years. I've known almost 2 years. I've only told 3 friends. No one at church, work, nor family knows. He doesn't want to move to live with her, 3,000 miles even though he recently lost two jobs and has nothing to tie him here. He won't move out, but travels for weeks at a time around the world and America, organizing sport events in which she also participates. He has a home-office in an external shed and often sleeps in his chair. There are so many beer cans and vodka bottles you can't see the floor. He does not speak or communicate with me nor our college-age daughter in any way. He sneaks in and out of the house when he's in town. On the rare occasion he accidentally enters a room I'm in, I am cordial, offer him whatever I'm cooking, he grunts a refusal then makes sure to leave via a different route. I overheard him refer to himself as a high functioning alcoholic, and me as his ex-wife. I read in an obituary that she regards him as her fiancé. I think he is living off a small inheritance. He does pay the mortgage, barely, but our account is drained. I am totally in the dark where he is, when he'll spontaneously return. His sport is high risk so he could die or get seriously injured and I wouldn't know. He now believes "God exists but God doesn't care about us". I am prayerfully working a normal existence for my daughter and I. Do I tell his family? Do I file for divorce? Do I try to confront him? I'll likely have to chase him.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas