Q&A Why Is It Taking My Unfaithful Husband Longer to Get over His Affair Than Me?

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Question: 

We are approaching the one year anniversary of the first D-Day of his 5 month affair. We've been together for 22 years and while we did separate for a short time after D-Day we've been pretty much working on this feverishly all year, different counseling, readings and tons of talks. It has been a very tough year with many highs and lows. I'm at a point where I want to feel in love again and I'm looking to be wooed back. My H often grows distant even though he says he wants the same things. The moments I feel we are growing closest seem to be the same moments he pulls away. He has only begun to ask for forgiveness as he still struggles with feeling he deserves it. He still doesn't understand how he fell into the affair even though I've been able to on some level. His affair was filled with manipulation from the AP and his self-everything has been drawn into question. My issue is that I feel like I'm in the position of pulling him and trying to get him to understand and forgive so we can be close yet I feel it should be him working for me. I'm afraid if I step back he won't step up enough and our marriage will end. I don't want that but I don't want to keep feeling this way.

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