Q&A Am I Grieving?

I think I am back to stuffing and avoiding. I have been feeling a little numb and not wanting to connect with anyone. Our last disclosure was 6 months ago, 2.5-year affair. We have done EMSO, EMS Weekend, currently MFL, HH and HFH. He gets it and is in recovery. For some reason I am shutting down and stuffing my feelings. I have found myself not wanting to talk, to anyone. I have trouble sharing on our calls. I feel like I don't have anything to say. My mind just goes blank when I try to talk, so I just don't talk. I know this will not help my recovery. I'm not really feeling anything except a little anger if I have triggers, which is getting less. I have always stuffed my emotion's, unless its anger or rage. I am trying to stay in the AR work and let myself grieve and feel what I need to. I ask God to help me walk through what I need to and I do trust in God and believe. I am just worried that a lifetime of avoidance is hard to change and I am still doing it. Am I grieving? I'm just not sure what that is supposed to look and feel like. I have always used anger & rage to deal with feelings. Maybe without those tools I am lost? There is a lot of old trauma and I am not sure how to get it out. Thank you Rick