Q&A Are We Doing Something Wrong in Our Recovery Process?

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I am the betrayed spouse. We are seven months from D-Day. Three of those seven months my unfaithful husband spent lying to me about affair. Finally, after 3 months he started telling me the truth. It was an emotional affair at the crossroads of turning physical when he got caught. We are in EMSO currently week 7. Though he has done a lot of work to help me feel safe. Such as changing his cell number, deleting his Facebook account. I still catch him in small lies, or careless mistakes that trigger a lot of bad emotions. He says that I do not make it safe for him and that I do not hear his concerns and feelings. He seems to start feeling my pain and then a few days later he is back to being angry, defensive, and cold. His inconsistent behavior leaves me feeling alone and abandoned. Because of the betrayal and some physical abuse, I currently suffer from PTSD and panic attacks. We both are in individual therapy. I also see a separate therapist for my PTSD (EMDR). I have a lot of fear, anger and resentment because of lack of empathy and him not “Getting It” Most of discussions don't end well, we usually end of arguing and hurting each other more. I feel like he is remorseful. But something just gets in the way of him being completely there for me. And I don't feel like he "Gets It" What are we doing wrong?



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