Q&A Is Calling This a ‘Mistake’ Minimization?

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Question: 

I keep hearing the frame of the unfaithful making a “mistake” and as a betrayed it’s infuriating. A mistake is taking the wrong exit off the highway not deliberate gaslighting and manipulation, which are intentional choices. Labeling these behaviors as a mistake seems like a drastic minimization of behavior with no accountability for all the choices made along the way. A mistake means you didn’t mean to do what you did but lying, gas-lighting, and secrecy are carefully planned, intentional, and deliberate. Is this a bad mind frame or a question of semantics? Is there a different way to discuss this that accounts for the intention the betrayed needs to be accounted for while not sending the unfaithful into a shame spiral?

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Not a mistake

I did not accept the use of this word. I insisted upon the use of the word choice. What influences his choices and how he categorized them (bad choice, selfish choice, not well thought out choice), I don't care.

But if you lie, cheat, deceive, plan, and budget for all of this, it is not a mistake. It is a choice. Those were my thoughts.