Q&A Can We Survive as a Couple?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


I had an affair with my now significant other; we were both married. He was my only affair, but I found out later that he had a simultaneous affair with another woman. Since we got back together, he had a year long relationship with another woman that involved some physical contact; they spoke and texted daily with a lot of sexting and phone sex. I discovered it, he ended it immediately, and claims he loves and wants only me. The problem is that he continues to lie about his sexual history and some of the details of his affairs, only revealing things angrily when I discover lies in roundabout ways. I love him and want to understand who he is or was, but he is ashamed and doesn’t want to tell me his stories. I’m afraid that if I don’t really understand his backstory, and if he cannot be fully honest with me, we won’t make it. His shame/unopenness prevent me from trusting him and I fear will cause him to stay disconnected from me and vulnerable to future affairs. He says his sexual history before me or during his marriage is irrelevant and if he shares with me I won’t see him in the same way or love him anymore. My reassurances that he is safe with me aren’t working. I ask no comparison questions. How much do I need to know? If he doesn’t share his truth and allow both of us to accept his reality, can we survive as a couple?



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas