Q&A Can We Survive as a Couple?

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Question: 

I had an affair with my now significant other; we were both married. He was my only affair, but I found out later that he had a simultaneous affair with another woman. Since we got back together, he had a year long relationship with another woman that involved some physical contact; they spoke and texted daily with a lot of sexting and phone sex. I discovered it, he ended it immediately, and claims he loves and wants only me. The problem is that he continues to lie about his sexual history and some of the details of his affairs, only revealing things angrily when I discover lies in roundabout ways. I love him and want to understand who he is or was, but he is ashamed and doesn’t want to tell me his stories. I’m afraid that if I don’t really understand his backstory, and if he cannot be fully honest with me, we won’t make it. His shame/unopenness prevent me from trusting him and I fear will cause him to stay disconnected from me and vulnerable to future affairs. He says his sexual history before me or during his marriage is irrelevant and if he shares with me I won’t see him in the same way or love him anymore. My reassurances that he is safe with me aren’t working. I ask no comparison questions. How much do I need to know? If he doesn’t share his truth and allow both of us to accept his reality, can we survive as a couple?

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