Q&A Can You Help Me With EMSO - Week 9?

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Question: 

Week 9 poses an interesting problem for me. I am married to a narcissist. He created a cold and distant environment in our marriage, putting his mother, our children, his job and 3 affair partners before me. I was deceived and worked hard to please him. He says I never did anything to hurt him, but he will put the work into the Week 9 assignment to find hurts that I may have inflicted on him during the marriage prior to his 11 years of unfaithfulness. I've spent a year in marriage counseling already and 7 months in individual therapy so far and have come to the understanding that I did nothing to cause his infidelity. If anything, I should have been the one to seek out an affair because he was so distant from me. He's been diagnosed with a fear of intimacy and he is conflict avoidant. I on the other hand would often express my needs, but they remained unmet, and I being completely fooled sacrificed my needs. I was a caring and patient wife and in return for my trust in him, I've come to learn he built a secret life in another city where he carried on with his second AP for 4 years. Why does Week 9 ask me to manufacture guilt over how I may have hurt my spouse before he began acting out sexually and fighting his compulsion to seek narcissistic supply?

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