Q&A How Can I Communicate the Importance of Being Real and Authentic?

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My husband and and I are 7 months past D-Day. One of the places where we are stuck is in the area of communication. When my husband disclosed his infidelity, I was completely blindsided because he told me that he was fed up with some of my personality traits at the same time he told me that he had an affair. I was shocked because this was the first time that he had ever mentioned that he had a problem with my personality, and made me feel like his affair was my fault. Since then, we have learned that communication was a major problem. He says that he wasn't a conflict avoider, but that for years he was just trying to love me like the Bible says by "turning the other cheek" when something about me bothered him. He doesn't understand how "being a nice guy" is the problem. I have tried to tell him that by not being completely real with his feelings and irritations toward me, that he was not being loving after all, even though his intentions were out of love. Instead, he kept stuffing it down and his resentments ended up exploding in an affair. He is still struggling with this and says that he will continue to be careful with what he says. He doesn't feel like speaking up will make much of a difference in our relationship. How can I get him to understand how important being real and authentic is, even if it might hurt my feelings at first? It's that real intimacy that will help our marriage, but he doesn't get it.



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