Q&A How Can I Communicate So That He Does Not Feel Condemned?

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We are in our 5th week of EMS Online and things seem to be going well. One of the bigger issues that we seem to keep running into is the inability to communicate effectively about triggers. When I get triggered, I try to use the tools, such as the pyramid of truth, to stop myself from creating the story in my head. Sometimes it doesn't work. When I express myself to my husband, it will usually trigger him. He told me in our last counseling session that he feels like he is "doing the time" for both his actions in the past, as well as the actions that trigger me now. He says that it makes him feel like all of the work he is doing is for nothing. No matter what, he will be labeled "cheater," and judged by what he did. I understand that there is a part of this that is my work with leaving the past in the past, but how can I communicate more effectively so that he understands I am not condemning him for his past actions, rather expressing my hurt and feelings of rejection because he doesn't seem to prioritize me like he did the affair partner?



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