Q&A How Can I Forgive Myself for Transmitting My Pain?

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Question: 

My wife had an affair several years ago. When it first came out I was told by a pastor to immediately forgive. I was also taught God predestined this to happen. As a consequence I struggled and eventually anger boiled up inside of me. At times over the years I became bitter but at other times would do well. God has told me on several occasions throughout the years to forgive and I have made genuine attempts to forgive but then fall back. I fear that some of my bitterness was transmitted to my children. They are great kids but I do see some things that concern me that may be a result of my struggles with forgiveness. Thankfully I have found AR and realize the poor help I have received in dealing with the affair and now feel like I have the tools to recover and forgive. The problem is I feel that God is extremely upset with me with regards to how I let this affect me and my family. Instead of letting it transform me I allowed it to negatively impact me and my children. I struggle with the damage done and feel like the pain was wasted. I struggle with God and whether He can forgive me for allowing myself to become bitter and at times very angry with Him. I am now at a place where I know I need to let this go and forgive but I feel like the damage has been done. I struggle whether God can forgive me with this and how to deal with the fallout on my children. This is more a plea for suggestions than a question.

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