My husband had an affair 18 years ago. I discovered the affair and his affair partner confirmed it. Despite making numerous promises and attending counselling and marriage courses, their relationship continued. We moved far away for family reasons yet they continued communication with her targeting me with harassing phone calls. Our relationship was full of anxiety and upset. We then lost a very young son to suicide and we spent the next decade trying to pull our lives back together. Last year he reached out again to his affair partner and renewed their relationship. I understand the pull of past relationships and he now recognizes the triggers that set him off. My true problem is that I see his affair partner as a huge catalyst for our unsettled home life which contributed to our son’s decision and our inability to be present and attentive to his needs. This woman is a professional marriage and family counsellor and was highly skilled in her manipulations and precisely focused attacks on me and our family. I don’t understand how my husband could look back on their time together with any fond memories given the tragedy that ended it. How could he so easily forget the pain his affair and specifically his affair partner caused and want to relive the memories with her?