Q&A How Do I Deal with My Betrayed Spouse's Ambivalence?

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Question: 

After 30 years I had a 2 year affair with a prior boyfriend who I had had extremely little contact with during all that time. My husband found out and we went through several months of anger and anguish. I immediately wanted to save my marriage but did backslide a few times and had phone contact w my AP the first 7 weeks of our recovery. That has now been 2 years ago. We have been to counseling and at times we do very well. My husband will be very positive at times. He does say he wants to stay married and that he loves me. However, there are times he still seems angry. And often he is purposely distant. I am the one who arranges counseling, fun trips or activities for us. I always call or text him first each day, I always say I love you first. I often feel like he is trying to always make me pay for what I have done. I actually feel he is increasingly like this rather than bring better. He’s here and participating but he wants to make me grovel. I realize I was wrong. I understand it is up to me to make this up to him. But I don’t think constantly making me feel like I’m begging for forgiveness is fair or helpful. I worry the longer we are out from D-Day that he ruminates and talks himself into being more and more negative. Am I wrong to feel this way? How do you suggest I handle his attitude and my feelings about it? My anxiety is increasing over time and I think he knows it and does not care.

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