Q&A How do I Feel Safe When My Mate Wants Someone Else?

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Rick, please advise – I feel continuous betrayal by my boyfriend of 14 years who constantly focuses on and thinks of other women. He had an emotional affair with a married work colleague and we believe he is already off the limerance stage. He then moved on to another work colleague in fantasy. He replaces me with them in almost all that we do and constantly creates associations/reminders of them that may not even be directly related to them. He confesses thinking about them almost all day, every day like "I want/wish it was (name)". He has completed Hope for Healing and we have completed EMSO. I still have deep love for him and want to move on with him. He tells me frequently that he still wants to try in our relationship and has got love for me. It is hard to believe what he tells me because he isn’t consistent nor present. I still don't feel safe in our relationship nor trust him. I don't believe that he ‘gets it’ as he is still very focused on himself and other women. He is ambivalent about our relationship and confessed that he fears to commit here because he is afraid that his needs will never be met. We are still stuck in a gridlock. My anger, insecurity, and control have progressively become worse with time as a consequence of all these. I feel very disheartened and hope is fading. I also feel biological clock pressure as I am 32 years old.

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