I believe my unfaithful partner genuinely regrets what he has done and truly wants to repair the damage. He does understand that I’m in a tremendous amount of pain. However, I don’t think he fully grasps the traumatic impact the betrayal has had on me. What keeps retraumatizing me now is that his own process of undoing lifelong defensive patterns is slow and inconsistent. Because of that, he often can’t be present in the ways I need him to be in my deepest pain or most triggering moments. When I’m in distress and despair, he tends to shift the focus back to his own struggles, or he becomes dark, distant, or overwhelmed. I genuinely empathize with the difficulties he is facing, and I see the work he is doing. At the same time, it feels crucial for my healing that he learns the relational skills needed to truly understand, and to stay grounded with me in these moments – to help regulate the trauma responses the betrayal created. Right now, no amount of explaining on my part seems to be enough - it merely makes him feel inadequate. I feel stuck between compassion for his process and the reality of my own retraumatization. I’m looking for guidance on how to navigate this dynamic, and how to move forward when the partner who caused the injury is not yet able to show up in the way the healing process requires.