Q&A How Do We Cope with Differing Marriage Histories?

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Question: 

I'm trying to understand what my wife is dealing with and how I can best facilitate the reconciliation process. We've been married for 14 years and have four children. She is the WS and was involved in a long term entangled affair (2 year EA followed by another 2 years of PA). The initial D-Day was 14 months ago, but the affair did not end until February of this year.

She is definitely committed to staying married (in the past couple weeks she's dismissed her divorce filing and started wearing her wedding ring again), but she's struggling with her feelings for me not matching her decision to stay right now.

point of contention between us has been the history of our relationship. I feel it was pretty good and normal for most of it prior to the affair. She feels like she has always had a lack of passion/attraction for me. She says she has always loved me, she admires me, and respects me.

In addition to her version being extremely hurtful and disorienting to me, I also feel it is a major roadblock to our reconciliation. How do we deal with this difference in our histories and what should I be doing to best facilitate our reconciliation?

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