Q&A How Do We Move Forward When He’s Still Holding on to Resentment Towards Me and I’m the Betrayed?

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Question: 

My mate is still confessing to lies. We dated 4 1/2 years and he lied and said he’d only had a one night stand and then regretted it and decide to be sexually pure til marriage. Even this one night stand was hard for me to accept and get past. He confessed that he’d been with 4-5 women and even one in the months before we got engaged to “sow his wild oats” he said. I honestly have no idea of whom I’m married to. The man he portrayed himself to be and who I married doesn’t actually exist. He’s portrayed himself as this morally upright person to his family and friends as well. He is still angry and not patient with my healing and unforgiveness at this point. I’ve talked with our pastor and our marriage counselor and they both agree that taking a break in communication and not sleeping in same bed is ok so that I can get a break from his continued hurtful words. I also am not safe for him at this point. I’m the one that had to move out even though I’m the betrayed. He’s angry I’m doing this. I don’t feel safe enough to even talk to him, let alone be intimate at this point. I was before this last confession. Now I’m at a loss on how to move forward in my healing. We’ve committed to not get a divorce. I meant for better or for worse. It’s just we’re in the “worse” part now and have been for 19 months. I think he has some mental issues and he won’t get individual professional counseling. How do we move forward when he’s still holding on to resentment towards me and I’m the betrayed?

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