Q&A How Do You Discern If a Person Is Truly Remorseful and Changing When They Relapse into Blaming the Betrayed?

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I’m trying to forgive my husband for his multiple affairs and the concealment of a possible secret child from me for six years. I reach out to him for connection frequently, communicate to him how I’m feeling, yet he ends up getting irate and attacks me verbally, belittling me using a ton of “you” statements, demeaning my intentions and character and I feel like when he says these things they are completely wrong. I feel like he is projecting his guilt and shame on me. Every time I try to come to him to touch the wound he points the finger at me. When I try to tell him about a trigger he gets “angry” which he has actually said to me. He keeps saying it’s been seven months since discovery and I’m not going to continue to beat myself up. Maybe it’s impatience or just plain entitlement. I can’t just turn off my broken heart. Im grieving and all he seems to continue to be is disrespectful and demeaning. 18-24 months of this treatment seems unbearable with the added tortuous fact that my partner has had multiple infidelities. I can’t continue to suppress my feelings for his comfort. And when I do, I’m attacked and left feeling invalidated. We’re in week 11 of EMS Online. How do you discern if a person is truly remorseful and changing when they relapse into blaming the betrayed, continued disrespect, devaluing and anger towards the betrayed?



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