Q&A How Long Do You Suggest Waiting, Post Discovery, to Have a Child Together?

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My husband and I have been married 12 years. Because we got married so young, we chose not to have children until after we finished college and settled into our jobs. Prior to D-Day, we discussed starting to try for our first baby as I was 29 and I was really beginning to feel the pressure of the ticking “biological” clock. However the discovery of his affair put a halt to everything. Most women I know going through infidelity recovery have children already and have stated that they really only stayed in the relationship in the beginning for the sake of their children. Since we don’t have any children, and no other real ties beyond a home we own together, I often feel crazy for staying with someone and potentially choosing to have children with someone who has already committed infidelity. Even if in a year from now, we are doing much better, I will likely still have an underlying fear, that the stresses of having children would one day cause him to need another “escape from reality” and lead to another affair. I am at the age where I need to decide if I should start a family but don’t want to do anything that would only add to our already complex relationship. Would you ever recommend having a baby later on in life, once recovery progress has been made? If so, how long after infidelity would you suggest waiting?



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