Q&A I'm Confused about the Cycle of Grace and Performance Management. Can You Please Explain?

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Question: 

In Week 3 of EMS Online Rick introduces the 'Cycle of Grace' concept. The new concept stipulates that it is all about unconditional love. We love each other including our spouse as God loves us irrespective of what we are and what we do. From what I understand the idea is that we can never be good enough and trying to be good enough is also acting like God and therefore a sin in itself. However Rick talks about the same performance (if I am not meeting my group) - a sort of PIP activity. It seems confusing to me as this does not sync with what has been stated under the 'Cycle of Grace'.

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Yes, motive.

Yes, motive.
If my UH is going to group, talking to a therapist, reading books, checking in with an accountability partner - this all 'looks' good, right? but if he's doing it TO look good, I feel like he'll go right back to all of his addictive behaviors. But if he's doing these things to CHANGE his thinking, his behavior, our marriage, then I feel like he's on the right track.