What if You're Uncertain About the Marriage?

Samuel discusses in this video why it's a good idea to do recovery work, even if you're unsure about whether you or your spouse wants to save the marriage after affairs and infidelity.

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I am so uncertain that I don't know what to do

This vlog really highlights something I am struggling with. We are 2 years out from D-day. My husband is cruising along just fine and waiting on me to stop being triggered, so that he won't feel accused. He endures my crying, (I was NOT a tearful person before this - I used to think something was wrong with me because of how hard it was for me to cry). He has modified his behavior, but he has had no brokenness, he cannot express what is different NOW, that wasn't there during the many years of his affair and porn addiction. He tells me I need to RESPECT and encourage him, and "THAT" is what is going to help our marriage. He is not doing any recovery work... he is just waiting for me to get fixed so that we can have "better days" ... I seriously don't know what to do.

Once again Samuel you hit the nail on the head

After listening to this blog I can't help but wonder if you have met my husband. For over a year I have begged and pleaded and ignored and tried and done all that I know to do and all that the advise on here suggested to do. So we have done this dance where things trail along and I pretend normal thinking and believing that I am pushing to hard, asking for to much, and basically giving away the little small pieces of my heart that are left. Disappointment after disappointment. A little over a month ago our marriage councilor even told my husband that there was nothing left for him to do because until my husband was willing to put forth more effort and truly change and really do the work then we would stay stuck. His exact words are your wife has climbed as far up this mountain as she can alone and she keeps reaching back to you and every time she does she looses a little ground. Please listen to me when I tell you one day she is going to say enough is enough. A person can only deal with so much until they see that it is not their inability to heal or to forgive that is the issue. It is the other persons inability to change and become a person that they can count on and depend on.

Thank you for your work and thank you for your blogs. The work that you do is amazing and I am sure that there are 100's of couples that have been helped because of your willingness.

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas