Q&A Is This a Sign of Healthy Mistrust?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


Rick, My wife had an affair with a co-worker for 2 years. I have read and listened to much of your work on relapse, but my wife and I had a conversation earlier this week that concerned me. She has described her behaviors while in the affair as addictive (to the feelings she received from the AP) and that she was doing things that she didn't want to do. Since discovery she has stopped those behaviors and cut all contact with the AP. She tells me that she has no desire for those feelings any longer and that she trusts herself completely to never go back to the AP or have an affair again. I am concerned that she feels her current desire to not repeat her actions and her will power moving forward will prevent her from wanting these feelings outside of our marriage again. She looks at herself as having addictive behaviors for a time, but not as an addict. She has assured me that she will not put herself in a position of vulnerability as she did before and won't cross the line of infidelity. I would feel safer if I knew she had a slight or healthy mistrust of herself about her ability to resist the urges that she had when I wasn't meeting her needs. Maybe we are expressing our thoughts in different terms, and she doesn't trust herself, that's why she has committed to creating boundaries and not knowingly putting herself in a situation of temptation again? Can you make any sense of this for me? Thanks for all you do!



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas