Q&A What Can I Do About My Thoughts Toward Others?

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Hi Rick, 16 months ago, I was involved in an emotional affair with a married work colleague for 8 months. She contacted me 8 months ago but I didn't respond. Though I think I’m out of the limerance phase now, I still think about my AP obsessively everyday by creating thought associations and reminders with things that are directly related and unrelated to her. I‘ve also been struggling with growing thoughts, feelings, and desire for another woman whom I like at my new workplace. I’m also starting to create thought associations and reminders of her. The thoughts keep repeating. It seems like history is repeating itself. I completed Hope for Healing 6 months ago and keep my boundaries by applying some relapse prevention steps, but I still struggle with thoughts of them. My girlfriend of 14 years sees my growing desire and obsessiveness towards my AP and new colleague as a continuous betrayal and feels very insecure. She checks up on my thoughts several times everyday and it often ends in conflict. I feel suffocated and resentful. We’re in a dating, non-sexual (due to religion) relationship and I’m 35 years old. We’re in the midst of EMSO but we don’t see much progress. We’re also doing couples counseling but our counselor says that I’m in this state because my needs aren’t met. We do have the heart towards our relationship but my desire for my girlfriend and our relationship is low with a lot of doubts. What can I do?



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