Q&A What Do I Do When My Wayward Spouse See's the Affair as My Fault?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


What are some of your recommendations to help the betrayed spouse deal with a wayward spouse who sees the infidelity is partly the betrayed's fault? I discovered my husband cheated on me 7 months ago with prostitutes for 2 years. He was guilty, remorseful, and took full responsibility for his actions in the beginning of discovery. We tried to reconcile but throughout the months, more details trickled about his infidelity. Each time, I would get more angry because each new information sets me back on my road to healing. However, he would lie and assure me that there was nothing else he was hiding. Last month, he disclosed new info about his trips to massage parlors for happy endings during the same time he was sleeping with prostitutes. This felt like another D-Day for me. Instead of feeling shame, remorse, and guilt he began to defend his himself. He sees that I am too angry, emotional, and controlling to hear the truth. I rage and make things worse. He now goes back to rewrite history and paints me as a bad wife to justify his his infidelity. He tells me I'm not safe and that he doesn't trust me. He somehow turned the situation around to focus on my shortcomings in the marriage rather than what he did. We are now separated, possibly heading towards divorce. He is struggling financially on his own and his time with our kids are limited. He is angry and bitter at me, he doesn't see his part in where we are at and blames it all on me. I am now a terrible and untrustworthy person so he is content with the divorce.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas