Q&A What's Reasonable to Make Me Feel Safe?

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Hi Rick! My husband was having 2 long term affairs when I discovered them a year ago. While we have been "working" on our relationship (with only little effort on his part with a few bursts of effort mixed in) I found out in December that he was continuing one of the affairs. He said he has ended contact with the AP and wants our family to stay together but still doesn't want to go to counseling or AR weekend. He would rather we "take a vacation and talk for an hour a day" and he thinks that would help us recover. (That may be fun but I don't think that will help us heal.) He often gets defensive/angry when I want to talk. He says I am obsessed and want to talk about this too much and thinks it's suffocating. How long should a person wait for their spouse to finally "get it" and show true effort under these types of circumstances and what kinds of relationship boundaries are reasonable to set so I will feel safe? I currently don't feel like I can trust him and he doesn't want to be an open book with his cell phone. I want our relationship to work but I'm very close to making the difficult decision to leave because I don't see him changing. Please help! Thanks!



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