Q&A Where do I Start After Lying for so Long?

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Hi Rick,

My wife and I have just completed EMS Online and were about to begin Married for Life. In January of 2014 my wife discovered my four year affair and over the past 19 months I have minimized and lied about many important parts of my affair. Even after completing the 13 weeks of EMS Online and learning all the tools and lessons included in the course I could not man up and give her the full truth she deserved about my affair and the early months after it.

Two days prior to the start of Married for Life, I finally realized that we were not going to be successful going forward without me fully disclosing the painful truth of every detail of the affair. This of course has taken her all the way back to D-day and totally devastated her. She is back to not being able to believe anything I tell her and has no faith in our future.

We have spent the last two days going through all the history of the affair from day one. She has continued to process this new information and despite her anger and hurt has agreed not to leave our marriage at this time.

Over the past 19 months I have told her many times that I have given her the full truth only for her to discover later that was not the case. Each time more information came out she took further blows. I am now committed to be honest and provide full disclosure. This of course is impossible for her to believe at this point and I know she will only start to believe I'm capable of this through my actions. My question is, how do we now start at this late date to restore her faith in me as an individual and us as a couple? Are there any steps you would suggest for us starting at ground zero again?



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