Rick Reynolds, LCSW
by Rick Reynolds, LCSW
Founder & President, Affair Recovery

What if my Spouse Doesn’t Remember All the Details? Q&A Video Excerpt from Recovery Library

Today I want to cover what to do if you or your spouse don’t remember details about the affair and also what to do if they didn’t remember when you asked them on the spot, but later they do remember. Below are two answers we pulled from the Recovery Library. One question was asked by a betrayed spouse, and one by an unfaithful spouse. I hope both perspectives will help you understand more about this common challenge in disclosure.

As you heard in the video above, our EMS Weekend is a safe place for both spouses.  Regardless of the collateral damage for either spouse, our intensive carries with it a proven approach to those who are stuck in destructive patterns of addiction or harmful belief systems.  You don’t have to keep repeating history and I’m more than confident our EMS Weekend is able to handle even the most difficult of situations.  



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Thank you for all your

Thank you for all your insightful advice on this topic!


The details are not that important to me as the why. It has been 2yrs and he still "can't" explain why he did it. This still ways heavily on me and I can't seem to move on not knowing. How do I know what to look for if I don't know.

I understand that

I feel so much hurt for you. It's been 20 years this year since d day for me. And I still haven't had an answer as to why. At least nothing that he takes responsibility for. Only that I wasn't treating him good enough. Not an answer. That's an excuse and blame shifting. Never given the details because he was drunk and couldn't remember. Not even the date, just the approximate year it occurred. Then says well, I never had to tell you, I could have kept it secret. And he wonders why I can't trust him. Even after 20 years. There had never been safety for me and Time alone doesn't heal wounds. I'm proof of that.

What made you stay?

First, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Secondly out of curiosity what made you stay? And how has your relationship been through this time? Are there still more good than bad or has it been more bad?

What type of affair was it?

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-D, Texas