Q&A Why Do You Work on a Marriage You Might End up Leaving?

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Question: 

My wife had a 2 month affair. We’ve gone through EMS Online and I believe we’ve both made progress after the shock and trauma that came with discovery. The problem now is I’m not sure if we can move forward in reconciling if I haven’t decided yet to stay in this marriage or not. My first thought was to at least stay and work on things for 18-24 months, since I’m told that’s how long it takes for the pain to subside. But how do you work on a marriage you might end up leaving? Do I need to choose to stay long-term before truly working to reconcile and heal our marriage? I hate the idea of divorcing, and I know it would crush our children, but I have a difficult time trusting her again considering we were married for 10 years before she cheated. If I was choosing all over again, I cannot honestly say I would chose a woman who betrayed me and violated my trust so profoundly.

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Stay or not

I am at exactly the same position right now. I wouldn’t choose him to marry if I could go back 20+ years ago. I like what Rick says about use my this as a growing opportunity to be a better spouse wether we decide to stay or not.