Q&A Will My Partner Ever Treat Me as Well as the Affair Partner?

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Question: 

My husband and I have been together for 28 years. Seven months ago I found out his seven years’ emotional affair with his subordinate. There have also been several other work related flirting relationships, and he has been in dating sites. One of those contacts led to cybersex. He has been very helpful to these women: arranged work, promotions, raises, written letters of recommendation, and supported with health issues. What I find very hard, is that he motivates these relationships by instinct to protect and help these young women. This protection instinct is something he has never felt towards me, which he admits. I haven’t got any support even while serious medical illness, my professional career has suffered due to his long hours, and he shows lack of empathy towards my challenges. The weaker I am, the less support I get. Anyhow, he tells me he loves me deeply, and is committed to marital therapy and EMSO. I am confused. Is it common that betrayer feels empathy and need to protect their affair partners while their own spouse doesn’t wake up any of those feelings? I found this to be the most difficult thing to process. For me love equals empathy and need to protect the loved ones. Even though I’m a successful professional woman who can stand on her own feet, I certainly have a need to be weak, and protected by my mate. Am I ever going to get that kind of love?

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Thank you so much for this

Thank you so much for this video. I would like to hear more about different attachment styles’ relation to infidelity.

What type of affair was it?

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