Today, we at AffairRecovery.com are excited to share with you an interview with the esteemed Dr. Robert Weiss PhD, LCSW. Dr. Weiss is the Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, offering clinical programs that provide online education and residential treatment for sex, porn, and substance/sex-addicted men and their families. A psychotherapist and addiction specialist, he has created six intimacy and addiction treatment programs in the US, Southeast Asia and for the US military. Dr. Weiss is also an online host for Digital Addiction on A...
Find guidance to healing after infidelity with EMS Online. This course is comprised of expert methodology honed from decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and restore their lives.
A common fear expressed by my clients is how the infidelity may impact their children. In 2008, Ana Nogales published the book, Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents are Unfaithful1. In it, Nogales breaks down the findings of 822 responses to a survey she conducted:
Seventy-five percent of those who responded to our "Parents Who Cheat" survey...
How Do You Know if You're Healing? Part 1 How Do You Know if You're Healing? Part 2
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
—Hebrews 11:1
I guess when I first heard someone talking about the process of "healing" I envisioned a feeling of relief, like a balm to a wound. For me, I have found that sometimes healing actually feels… really uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels more like a state of suspension, between where I was and where I want to be. It's unknown, unpredictable, and uncomfortable. As awful as depression feels, depression is safe. There are no expectations. No...
Have you ever reached a point in your own recovery, or in your relationship, where you thought to yourself: is this really as good as it's going to get? Maybe you've found yourself reasonably happy, but just not fulfilled with the repair work you've done? Like many, you may have also felt like you or your relationship were making great strides, showing ongoing momentum and promise, and now you feel stuck. You may find yourself on a plateau. Often, a plateau can be misinterpreted as an ominous sign that something is seriously wrong, when in fact, it may just be time for a minor tune up to your own repair work or your relationship's. In today's video, you may be relieved to hear that plateaus in recovery are 100% normal, and even to be expected....
I once heard it said, "Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener." As a professional, I've always believed people to be profoundly naïve about marriage. However, that naïveté may be even more pronounced when it comes to life after divorce. After our previous article on infidelity and divorce and the challenges faced by the betrayed spouse, it seemed only appropriate to address the challenges after divorce for those who have been unfaithful.
One thing is certain no matter which side of the infidelity you are on - after D-Day, anniversaries take on a whole new meaning. On our first anniversary post D-Day, we just wanted to crawl into a hole and forget it was happening.
A million questions swirl around in your mind. Are we supposed to celebrate our anniversary? What should I do? How do I act? Is this all fake? If you were "getting by" before, there's certainly no room for that with what feels like this giant elephant looming in the background. Everything is out in the open, exposed, raw, vulnerable.
On one of our recent anniversaries, I was prompted to reflect on "what does our marriage mean now?" While most of my friends and family members are sharing those cliche messages on social media like "We've always been so perfect for each other," what can I share that is truly authentic? I...
If you have been impacted by infidelity, whether it happened recently or even years ago, your emotions can be all over the place. When you decide to commit to heal yourself, no matter what your spouse decides to do, there are some things you'll need to change in order to get to a healthier place mentally. Some betrayed partners feel the overwhelming need to control everything about the unfaithful, including their schedules, email or social media activity, how they dress, and even their spouse's recovery. While these urges are very common and a normal reaction to trauma, as you heal, you will find yourself more able to let go of some of your fear-based behaviors and replace those with the peace that you are longing for. Today, Stephanie, in her twenty plus years of experience, shares how she moved...
How many times have we experienced ups and downs in trying to save our relationship after infidelity? What about in our own personal repair work? The truth is, we typically will move two steps forward, three steps back as we try to heal from either our own destruction, or our partner's. Today Samuel brings a refreshing approach to accomplishing long-term, sustainable transformation, in both our own healing work, and possibly that of our relationship. We don't have to struggle to gain momentum forever in our own healing, and if we choose to salvage our relationship, we don't have to live in a state of constant turbulence or uncertainty. Today you'll hear crucial but palatable insight that can be applied to your own situation, from Samuel's...
For that matter, what is "healed" anyway? What does it mean? What does it actually look like? I will explore this further in a future blog, as this question has perplexed and frustrated me since I learned of my husband's infidelity. More to come on that.
In the meantime, the process of healing is hard to measure. You can't take out a yardstick or step on the scale to track the progress. It's subtle and murky. Healing is slow and often undetectable day by day. It takes some intentional scrutiny to see it, and it looks different for every person. I can only tell you my own experience but maybe it can offer some insight in your situation too.
I think it's easy to dismiss progress when we still feel pain. Pain can be deafening against the quiet of progress....
Do you or your partner shut down out of self protection in the middle of a discussion? If they do, or you do, there’s probably a reason behind it. It’s not always to punish the other partner, but may be due to a concept called ‘self-protecting.’ Oftentimes, when we’re in a discussion that we feel threatened by the tone, content, or expression of our partner, we can self protect and shut down, seemingly walling off the threat - aka, our partner. The unfaithful typically do this more than the betrayed, and without an understanding into why this shutdown happens, it can appear as though one partner is punishing the other, when it may not be true at all. Today, Samuel lays out a concrete understanding on why this may be happening in your relationship, and how to not only...
