The Old Us Versus The New Us

There Is Hope

One thing is certain no matter which side of the infidelity you are on - after D-Day, anniversaries take on a whole new meaning. On our first anniversary post D-Day, we just wanted to crawl into a hole and forget it was happening.

A million questions swirl around in your mind. Are we supposed to celebrate our anniversary? What should I do? How do I act? Is this all fake? If you were "getting by" before, there's certainly no room for that with what feels like this giant elephant looming in the background. Everything is out in the open, exposed, raw, vulnerable.

On one of our recent anniversaries, I was prompted to reflect on "what does our marriage mean now?" While most of my friends and family members are sharing those cliche messages on social media like "We've always been so perfect for each other," what can I share that is truly authentic? I decided to write to my husband, from the depths of my heart, something that genuinely conveys the heart of our journey. One thing both of us have developed a keen eye for after D-day is fake, fluffy words. We can smell insincerity from a mile away.

This letter to my husband was written several years after our D-Day. Please know if you are in the beginning stages of your recovery and feel like things will never get better, there is hope.

"18 years ago, two kids got married. Don't tell the 'old' us that I said this, but the 'new' us is so much better. The new us has something that the old us never had. We are free to be authentically, individually ourselves. We are stronger and braver than ever before. We live and love on a deeper level than the old us ever could. The old us had a frilly external image, but inside was hollow.

We have fought like hell for the new us and it is a continual fight. As quoted from The Princess Bride, "Anyone who tells you otherwise, is only trying to sell you something." That something may be an image, a tradition, a system of rules, you name it!

The best marriages come out of the hardest conversations you will ever have. They come out of the ashes - death of old ways, old ideas, old mindsets. They know what it is to survive catastrophe and become something totally new. Both people have to sincerely confront and address the tough, uncomfortable, sometimes gut-wrenching issues and you have to do it over and over and over again. You do it so often that it becomes a solid part of your new foundation. Thank you for staying by my side on this journey for 18+ years. Thank you for being willing to evolve and grow alongside me. I love you!"

Add New Comment:


Well spoken

Thank you for sharing your hope with others who are still in the midst of the storm. I couldn’t agree more.


What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas