Today I wanted to share something that happened in my office that was incredibly moving to me. At work, we get to see people of all ages and ailments. Whatever your profession is, have you ever had a moment when someone walks in your door and you quickly realize (even though you are the so called professional) that you are the one about to learn?
This morning, that was me. An 84 year old woman I had been helping came in. Her daughter usually drives her, because she doesn't like city traffic. But today when I went to greet her, she was sitting next to her husband, who I had never met. They have been married a little bit longer than 63 years. I am guessing this is longer than most of us have been alive! To say that I started to feel unworthy is an understatement. I asked if they would be comfortable coming back to...
Samuel shares what remorse sounds and looks like for those in crisis.
Samuel discusses misunderstanding, defensiveness and accusation.
Samuel helps those who feel stuck in their recovery.
Samuel shares personal insight on how to heal from the humiliation spouses feel from infidelity.
When I hear the words liar or cheater, I get a yucky and icky feeling in my stomach. I do not have the strength to face the realization that all of us are broken, without also knowing all people are able to choose humility and redemption. If I don't accept the possibility for change and repentance, I will drown in a spiral of shame.
It is hard to look back on my life and admit or pinpoint when I started telling lies instead of the truth. Like water is to a fish, it is something I have always lived with. That might sound strange to some, but perhaps a better way to explain would be to say that I have always lived with fear. Fear and anxiety that the truth is often an ugly thing, and I didn't see much repentance, acceptance, or forgiveness in my family of origin.
I do recall when I was in first grade, I had a really strict and harsh teacher. She clicked her heels when she walked and she was NOT warm and nurturing. I am not sure why, but one day I remember doodling on the corner of my desk with my pencil. The concept of school property and defiling it was lost on me. I am pretty sure I was just bored. However, my...
We know it's hard to think straight when your life is in crisis. How could you know what to do with a ruptured relationship if you've never been in this situation before? Since Affair Recovery was founded, we have helped thousands of people like you discover newfound hope and healing in their relationships. With a proven curriculum and support from a small group, pain and mistrust can be replaced by truth, compassion, and understanding.
Many couples and individuals who have come to our site for help ask about the validity and effectiveness of the 'group-dynamic'. It can be not only intimidating, but alarming to be in a group setting. While we understand the fear you may be feeling our hope is that after reading this article, you'll be able to see and process how the 'group approach' can be one of the safest and most healing environments you've ever experienced.
Samuel answers a viewers question about when it's better to walk away from your spouse.
Chances are if you are reading this, you are waiting for something. I remember early on in our recovery from my infidelity, it seemed that I was waiting mostly for some sort of relief from the circumstances I had created. I was lost in a complete shame spiral, and I wanted relief! I wanted the pain to go away. I have to admit now, I also was so ready for my husband to not be in pain anymore. I humbly can't even say I was healthy enough that I wanted healing for us. I only wanted relief.
When we first started getting professional help (our first stop was EMS Weekend), I was told that our healing would take AT LEAST 18 – 24 months. It seemed like an eternity and I pridefully figured we could beat the odds and be different. Much to my dismay, things only got worse, and they continued to deteriorate (in my mind) for the next six to eight months. I was...
Samuel discusses what it means to lose yourself while doing repair work.
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