Samuel shares insight into three recoveries that have to be addressed when healing from infidelity.
Today in counseling I was stunned by a concept I’ve heard most my life. Similar to the old quilt that covers our bed, I became so familiar with it I no longer saw the depth of beauty in it.
My counselor asked me how I felt I was doing at “feeling my husband’s pain”. He has a way of asking a simple question and patiently waits for me to take as long as I need to respond. Having been a counselor for over 40 years, he sees right through me and my crap most days.
How am I doing with handling my husband’s pain? You mean the pain I created with MY infidelity?
In the silence of that moment I found myself wanting. I wanted to say that I’ve tried to feel it. I wanted to justify all of the ways I’ve tried to be sensitive and aware of him. I wanted to defend the times I’ve spent the past year trying to be safe for him in his pain. But none of those words came out. Instead I sat and squirmed. More silence. An awkward, heavy, deep-in-my-chest feeling came...
Samuel shares insight into the tactic of 'rewriting history' and how to recover from it.
Samuel discusses the common question in recovery; are we too far gone to be healed?
Samuel discusses a trap many unfaithful spouses fall into in recovery.
Samuel shares a controversial but powerful approach to finding true healing.
Samuel shares insight into how to forgive the affair partner after the discovery of infidelity.
Samuel discusses how we can be traumatized by well meaning therapists and authority figures.
"Learn how to be okay when things are not okay."
When I first heard this statement I thought it was dumb and much too simple. It was almost insulting – like trying to treat an intensive care wound with a band aid.
However, ten long months into recovery, this statement has been a foundational thought in getting through many hard days.
Like many unfaithful spouses, my tendency and need to control situations have been off the charts. When you are hiding behind your affair, there is an illusion of control (and complete self-absorption) you live under because you never think about the harsh reality that you might lose your spouse because of your decisions. Much like the character in...
Samuel shares insight into a common mistake couples make in recovering from infidelity or addiction.
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