Dissecting a Common Mistake When Healing from Infidelity

Samuel shares insight into a common mistake couples make in recovering from infidelity or addiction.

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I wish my unfaithful husband was doing all the recovery work!

Thanks, Samuel. Your videos have meant so much to my recovery and I generally relate to them very well. But not this one. I wish so much that it was my husband (unfaithful) doing all the work. Our situation is very much reversed. It is so frustrating and disappointing seeing him fail to do the recovery work I know he so badly needs. I’ve come to a point where I’ve forgiven the actual infidelity, but I’m having a MUCH more difficult time forgiving how I feel I’ve been treated since discovery (his failure to do recovery work and be “all in.”)

thank you for posting....

it's a dynamic that affects a ton of couples....but it's not the way all couples relate and fall out.  i'm sorry for where youp're at my friend. your frustration is a different frustration but a very common one nonetheless.  i'm so sorry he's dragging his feet.  

Thank you Samuel.

I just wanted to let you know how much I really needed to hear your topic today. I have been struggling (in silence) with feelings and not understanding why (I'm the betrayed.) People are doing exactly what you said - Congratulating him and forgetting me. Expecting me to reach out to them when all I get is that I need to do more for him. I am tired of it. I truly understand how Job felt when his "friends" tried to help him during his crisis (that was not his fault in anyway). I am also thankful that you do these discussions where you talk about what the betrayed spouse needs from the unfaithful spouse. You being the unfaithful spouse lends (in my opinion) more credence to the issues betrayed spouses are feeling, experiencing. You are not a betrayed spouse "preaching" to the unfaithful spouses. Instead you are an unfaithful spouse explaining to men/women in your same shoes how to better navigate their own journey if they want to save their marriage and heal from the pain they have caused someone who loved them. You are always fair and honest (traits lacking in our world). I don't always like what I hear but I can respect your motivation for saying it (to help us heal) and eventually I can process it better. Thank you again.

such great feedback...

hi there.  thanks so much for taking the time to share with me such encouraging feedback.  i'm always nervous when I post stuff that's a bit edgy or just not overly general help, but a sensitive discussion ya know?  does my heart so good to hear that it helped you and gave you the validation or encoruagement that you need.  i hope you keep going and get the help you need.  there's a ton o great support on the site for the betrayed.  please let me know if i can do anything else for you.


I saw the Hope rising web

I saw the Hope rising web cast and your apology was great. It is everything as betrayed spouse wants to hear but most likely will never hear. It needs to be put up for content for the Unfaithful to see what a good apology looks like and for the betrayed to have some closure where none will come. God Bless

thank you so much for the feedback.

it was tough.  I do believe they will be putting it up as a blog post soon.  thanks so much for watching and posting. 

Can't find where I'm at...

Samuel, I have watched around 200 of your videos so far... I know you hear this all the time and I understand you might not be able to actually respond to me, but I would really like to share my story with you since it's not something else I've heard on here... I'm NOT saying we are the worst it's ever been, but I am saying I can't find anything that matches with where I am and it leaves me not knowing where to turn. I am 33, have 5 kids 7 and under and just learned about the affair... basically I can't find exactly where I fit into all you've talked about ( I mean I am the betrayed but...), you don't exactly have videos or articles about where I am at right now. I understand if you can't, but... is there any way that I could email you my story? I really am getting crushed by my church, and family... I don't know where else to go.

sure thing.

you can email me at samuel@hope-now.com.  however, and please hear this graciously,  i'm not able to sift through super long email my friend.  i get tons of email and i just can't get through them when they are long.   if you can keep it on the shorter side, i'll do all i can to help.  i promise you that. 


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-D, Texas