Are You Dealing with Therapist Induced Trauma after Infidelity?

Samuel discusses how we can be traumatized by well meaning therapists and authority figures.

Add New Comment:

Comments

Reconciliation

Samuel, we have seen so many of your videos, and taken the 13 week course. They have helped us more than any therapy we have received!

After listening to your video, I was wondering if your position is that every single instance of infidelity can be dealt with successfully. You mentioned sociopath, narcissist, addict, and was wondering if and when a dissolution of the marriage might be warranted. I mean, granted that you and I are willing to take honest and fundamental steps in healing our marriages, but I'm certain that this is not the case each and every time. What are the criteria that will determine if a marriage can be healed? On another note, each person has a different ability to deal with trauma, and maybe there are instances that emotionally, someone's ability to handle this trauma is beyond their scope, and will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Is this a way to live?

Are there marriages where a dissolution is the best course, either for one or both spouses?

I do have friends that are dealing with these issues, and have recommended your program, but some have separated and others live in misery

it's possible....

hi there.  thank you for watching and posting.  I do believe every situation can be healed and restored if: 

1. both parties are committed to the process and willing to do whatever it takes to heal 

2. both parties find expert help from someone like Rick's status and expertise

3. both parties will put into practice what that expert process recommends and suggests.  

Where many couples find a breakdown is that one spouse is willing to do all three of these, but the other one is not and in those situations, it's very tough to see situations healed and restored.  it's just the truth of the matter when you don't have two willing spouses.  i hope that answers your questions(s).  thank you again.

 

Hi Samuel

Thank you for all your insight. A major hurdle in my affair recovery was when our therapist repeatedly wanted to work on the marriage and not really deal with my husbands affairs. It was like I was suppose to forget the lies and deception for the last 6 years and focus on the marriage. It was painful and I refused to negate the past. Anyway, we are better now. TY

you're very welcome....

it's a hurdle for many people and I'm sorry for the pain.  I totally get it and the frustration you had to overcome.  thanks for posting and watching my friend.  means a ton.

 

When we went to MC, our

When we went to MC, our therapist told my UH that he did not have to make a choice "that night" about giving up his AP. In reflection, that was a turning point - my UH heard I don't have to decided until I want to (if ever). Needless to say I was so traumatized by this statement.The therapist wanted us to focus on the marriage - practice positive communication skills while I was in a state of trauma from being blindsided by the news. The therapist also focused on me most of that first session - hammering away at me about why I had kept messages from the AP and why I would do that to myself. I felt shamed and blamed for my UH's behavior and trying to piece together my reality b/c my UH would not give me any information. I felt attacked. It was horrible. Traumatizing.