How many times have we experienced ups and downs in trying to save our relationship after infidelity? What about in our own personal repair work? The truth is, we typically will move two steps forward, three steps back as we try to heal from either our own destruction, or our partner's. Today Samuel brings a refreshing approach to accomplishing long-term, sustainable transformation, in both our own...
For that matter, what is "healed" anyway? What does it mean? What does it actually look like? I will explore this further in a future blog, as this question has perplexed and frustrated me since I learned of my husband's infidelity. More to come on that.
In the meantime, the process of healing is hard to measure. You can't take out a yardstick or step on the scale to track the progress. It's subtle and murky. Healing is slow and...
Do you or your partner shut down out of self protection in the middle of a discussion? If they do, or you do, there’s probably a reason behind it. It’s not always to punish the other partner, but may be due to a concept called ‘self-protecting.’ Oftentimes, when we’re in a discussion that we feel threatened by the tone, content, or expression of our partner, we can self protect and shut down, seemingly walling off the threat -...
Preface: In Hope for Healing lesson 5, as a participant, I was asked to examine the difference between a prideful spirit and a broken spirit. At first, I thought maybe I had come up with the "wrong" answer because the other women in my group saw brokenness as a bad thing and a place to be ashamed of. I see brokenness as a catalyst for total transformation. Looking back on my journey through failure, disaster, and gut-wrenching pain, I came up with this definition of brokenness....
When you decide to face your addiction and commit to recovery, it is vital that you surround yourself with others who are in a similar position. As Mickey likes to say, "there are no lone rangers in recovery." Even if this is foreign or uncomfortable for you, being humble and asking for support from other people on the same path is going to help you stay accountable and healthy in your relationships...
It's a typical scenario: the betrayed wants or needs to talk, and the unfaithful just doesn't have it in them at the moment. Enter the phrase that appears to diffuse the situation, yet only exacerbates the entire process of healing: 'let's just talk about it later.' I'm sure you know the rest; the truth is, "later" very seldom ever comes. The unfaithful struggles to find their words and hold on to themselves, and not circle the drain in shame....
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If there's any one thing that reveals how irrational my thinking had become, it would be the above thought. I could only see one alternative: either I had to die, my wife...
Previously, Samuel interviewed Michael Webb to discuss a scenario between an unfaithful male and a betrayed female, and how developmental trauma affects both inner and outward conversations with our spouse. Today, Samuel follows up with Michael with the roles reversed: an unfaithful female with a betrayed male partner. Without an understanding of our wounded inner selves, we end up transmitting our pain, instead of transforming...
The following video is from 2018 Hope Rising speaker and Affair Recovery Survivors' Blogger, Samuel, reading "Apology from the Unfaithful".
You are not alone. We know healing from infidelity can feel isolating. At Hope Rising, our annual one-day conference for betrayed spouses, you can gain momentum, strength and community on your journey to wholeness. We've walked through this pain ourselves, and we've walked alongside thousands of others on this...
After discovery or disclosure of an affair or sexual addiction, the betrayed partner is often overwhelmed with painful reminders, triggers, and insecurities. Re-engaging emotionally with the former unfaithful is difficult enough, but even the thought of resuming sexual activity with their mate can send hurt spouses into a panic spiral. As healthy as connection is, it is also terrifying to be vulnerable again, and both the betrayed and the unfaithful...
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