Samuel discusses ways of finding support in recovery work.
"Should I stay or should I go? If I go, there will be trouble. If I stay, it will be double . . ." ~The Clash
I am a child of schoolhouse rock, a product of the age in which skate parks were invented, parachute pants were high fashion, and most of the girls I wanted to date had big hair and blue eye shadow. Lucky for me I made one of those beauties my wife. Rebellion for her in our southern catholic high school (yes, I see the irony . . . especially considering we were both protestant) was wearing too many rings which violated dress code. Wow - how did things escalate so wildly into the destructive behaviors of late?
With a wife willing to try to save the marriage, the biggest question post d-day quickly became: should I stay, or should I go? I'm thankful that early in my journey I was told I was...
Today my words come from a very insecure and needy place. Insecure because I'm trying hard to use words instead of behaviors to show how I feel and what I need. This "voice" seems childlike and continues to grow because it is still somewhat unfamiliar to me. My words might sound crazy but I promise I'm not a lunatic! My psychologist refers to me in "parts" like this, so I am going to do the same here today.
The needy part of this voice is the one I am most uncomfortable with. I have always hated and detested the needy part of me so I constantly reduced its expression.
One of the silver linings of coming out of infidelity is that you literally, and I mean literally, have nothing to lose. I have hit rock bottom. I have done what I said I would never do. I have shamed my family,...
Samuel shares insight on what the betrayed spouse can and should do when their unfaithful wont lead recovery efforts.
Samuel discusses a poignant topic in recovery work regarding the unfaithful spouse.
Samuel tackles a common question of betrayed spouses who are endeavoring to pursue their own healing.
I drive a relatively new truck so I found it especially frustrating to pull out of the dealership repair shop only to find my "check engine" light was on. Again. This was the 4th time in a month I had gone back to the same dealership for the same repair. My witty and wise 14-year-old daughter was enjoying my frustration when she asked,
"Why do you keep going back to the bad haircut place?"
"What?" I replied confused and irritated.
In her light but direct way she explained, "You have been back to this dealership again and again, but each time you leave with the same result. If you get a bad haircut, why would you go back to the same place next time expecting a good one?"
We are more than a year out from discovery. Some of the days have been very slow making me wonder if progress has been made. And although we now have more good days than bad, a small internal voice still occasionally asks, am I really changing?
While you, the betrayed, are trying to heal from what we, the unfaithful, have done to you, I also know you are ultimately waiting for redemption.
There are days my husband's anxiety seems to come out of nowhere. Of course I understand the root of the anxiety; it is a fear that I will betray again. But from my perspective, the unpredictability of this anxiety is hard to wrap my head around. I know I don't handle his anxiety well when I spiral out of control and go on the defensive. It is an ugly place where I doubt my own decisions and capacity to change and wind up questioning everything. This causes...
Samuel answers a viewers question on what to do when there are multiple relapses.
Samuel answers a viewers question on what you should do when you've lost respect for your unfaithful spouse.
What Type of Affair Was It?
Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
