What Do You Do When You've Lost Respect or Admiration for Your Unfaithful Spouse? Part 2

Samuel answers a viewers question on what you should do when you've lost respect for your unfaithful spouse.

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Im not sure ive found the right site but your videos sort of relate in regards to how my husband feels and how i have responded.

I have to state i have not cheated or had an affair , i have been unfaithful by betraying my husbands trust by inappropriate behaviour on a night out . I went to a ladies charity night with male strippers and volunteered to get up for a performance this performance was very over top and even ended up with male stripper putting his bare genitials on my face , it got recorded live on facebook by someone i was out with who has my husband on their facebook . This person deleted the video the next morning however the damage was done .
He saw all this and it has completley torn him .
I saw the night as chance to let my hair down , i got very drunk and dont have much recollection. In regards to rge performance i did it for a laugh nothing more yet to my husband he feels im lying and that it was more and that in some form i have cheated on him .

He is so up and down , i dont even know where our relationship stands .

I responded at first defensively, immaturley , childishly and involved others in trying to fix this but it just made it worse .
I can see now what i did and my actions afterwards were wrong and inexcusable.
3 months since the incident and i dont know what to do in regards to recovery.
He wont be in the same room as me , if we are i have to sit away from him. I suggested marriage councelling he said no

Is the bootcamp something i should try ?


Thank you so much for this video and part 1. Perhaps it’s because of the timing, but these really hit home. My husband has some of the traits of a sex addicti, and spent a few years acting out. He took lying to new depths but eventually I think we may have gotten to the truth. The problem now is that he seems to feel that all is well now that it’s out. In fact, he often says that since he has answered my questions he doesn’t understand why we ever have to talk about it, and why any work is necessary to repair our marriage. How do I get him to understand that you can’t hurt someone that deeply and have it all go away because you said you’re sorry? He buys books but doesn’t read them, he has seen several different therapists - each one time, he watches your videos, but nothing seems to sink in. Thank you for any advice!

very common...

hi confused, it's very common.  the unf feels relief and like the pressure is off as it's out and now they don't have to fear being caught.  but, the betrayed is here devastated and trying to work through it and process the trauma.  the unf starts to get upset and feel shame and wants to just get you over it and get you to move on so they don't have to feel guilty or shame or uncomfortable with the pain of it all. here is a series on their shame and how it affects you:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-recovery-understanding-the-paralysis-of-shame  it's been my experience that you'll need expert, third party, objectivity to get through to him.  he just won't hear you, but may hear an expert who can talk to him and get through to him as he marginalizes you due to the pain and hurt and his own shame which is triggered when you both talk about it.  it's highly highly normal and to be expected.  will he do something like our online courses or weekend?  i also doubt he'll read those books till he's had a big breakthrough in this area. 

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas