You Don't Have to Be Alone in Healing from Infidelity

Samuel discusses ways of finding support in recovery work.

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Betrayed...Husband is in Denial or Slow Admission

I feel extremely , extremely alone. My husband is barely admitting it and every day I'm trying to cope, but also hanging on to hope that he "Gets it". I can't tell anyone. He's feeling like "I'm doing my best, but his best is minimal compared to the drowning that's going on with me, and yet I'm still understanding and trying to be here for him so that he doesn't go into depression due to the shame that he says he feels. I'm going back and forth with what's the truth in the situation. I feel like I should get out of the way and allow him to get SLAPPED with actually what he has allowed, emotionally to transpire in our marriage. We're in counseling and ministry and we're "Those people" to so many people, I don't know where to go or who to go to about this emotional betrayal.

"Betrayed...Husband is in

"Betrayed...Husband is in Denial or Slow Admission"
I'm in a very similar situation - 10 months after I first discovered my husband's secret behavior and activities. I'm getting better at moving through the days functioning somewhat normally, but I'm a mess with no way out, it feels. He is handling his recovery all on his own, but won't share except to say he's not acting out. But in the past 10 months- closer to the first few months - I caught him setting up secret email accounts, ad site accounts and VPN on two different occasions after he swore it would end and he would never cheat on me ever again. I don't know if he's truly "sexually sober" or merely gotten better at hiding it. Apparantly after 7 1/2 years together I can't tell if he is lying. I I have personally spent thousands of dollars on sex addiction therapy specialists, betrayal trauma therapists, and a BT coach -- not to mention the amount of money I have by lack of productivity at work, and paying out money at work for other agents in my office to help on my files, and all the hidden costs of being in a constant state of underlying trauma and stress - costs that include spending more money on household help and conveniences, emotional and relational costs with my children and family and friends who don't know what's been going on, etc. I would love to hear an "easy button" way out; but I can't tell people what's really going on unless I'm absolutely able to leave. I see no options for me at this time. In another 18 months he's either getting professional help or I am gone. Meanwhile, that timeline goal gives me the space and permission to work on myself and "normal" marriage issues such as being more loving, better at communicating, better spending habits, and other typical issues.

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