tamtamfuss thanks so much for the comment. for samantha and I, i had to come clean asap as i was facing other leaders coming to my house to verify i was telling the truth within 24 hours. so for us, the issue wasn't having all the details as those came out almost immediately. we were on the same page in terms of me wanting to save the marriage and samantha not being sure, but if i had trickled out the details or had not come clean with them all up front early on, it would have made things twice as hard or difficult. samantha was more of the let's wait and see how you handle yourself and we'll see about saving the marriage. i wanted to save the marriage as i wanted to be with my kids. but as we got the right kind of help we were able to move much faster in terms of recovery, and no new information came out thank God. i hope that helps. happy to answer any other questions you may have as well.

thank you so much. means more than you may ever know but your comment gives me courage to keep doing this..