When I hear the words liar or cheater, I get a yucky and icky feeling in my stomach. I do not have the strength to face the realization that all of us are broken, without also knowing all people are able to choose humility and redemption. If I don't accept the possibility for change and repentance, I will drown in a spiral of shame.
It is hard to look back on my life and admit or pinpoint when I started telling lies instead of the truth. Like water is to a fish, it is something I have always lived with. That might sound strange to some, but perhaps a better way to explain would be to say that I have always lived with fear. Fear and anxiety that the truth is often an ugly thing, and I didn't see much repentance, acceptance, or forgiveness in my family of origin.
I do recall when I was in first grade, I had a really strict and harsh teacher. She clicked her heels when she walked and she was NOT warm and nurturing. I am not sure why, but one day I remember doodling on the corner of my desk with my pencil. The concept of school property and defiling it was lost on me. I am pretty sure I was just bored. However, my...
We know it's hard to think straight when your life is in crisis. How could you know what to do with a ruptured relationship if you've never been in this situation before? Since Affair Recovery was founded, we have helped thousands of people like you discover newfound hope and healing in their relationships. With a proven curriculum and support from a small group, pain and mistrust can be replaced by truth, compassion, and understanding.
Many couples and individuals who have come to our site for help ask about the validity and effectiveness of the 'group-dynamic'. It can be not only intimidating, but alarming to be in a group setting. While we understand the fear you may be feeling our hope is that after reading this article, you'll be able to see and process how the 'group approach' can be one of the safest and most healing environments you've ever experienced.
Samuel answers a viewers question about when it's better to walk away from your spouse.
Chances are if you are reading this, you are waiting for something. I remember early on in our recovery from my infidelity, it seemed that I was waiting mostly for some sort of relief from the circumstances I had created. I was lost in a complete shame spiral, and I wanted relief! I wanted the pain to go away. I have to admit now, I also was so ready for my husband to not be in pain anymore. I humbly can't even say I was healthy enough that I wanted healing for us. I only wanted relief.
When we first started getting professional help (our first stop was EMS Weekend), I was told that our healing would take AT LEAST 18 – 24 months. It seemed like an eternity and I pridefully figured we could beat the odds and be different. Much to my dismay, things only got worse, and they continued to deteriorate (in my mind) for the next six to eight months. I was...
Samuel discusses what it means to lose yourself while doing repair work.
Samuel answers a viewers question about what to do when their betrayed spouse won't get help.
If you are reading this and your affair has been discovered, chances are you don't know where to turn, where to go, or have any idea what will come of your life.
You might feel like your life is over. Humiliation probably doesn't begin to scratch the surface of what you are feeling. You are now exposed for who you really are. You are a cheater. You are a liar. And you are a sham. There is nowhere to hide and it is time to face what you have done. You probably don't like what you see in the mirror.
You can't see this now, but this is a very good place to be.
For those of us that...
Samuel shares a monumental recovery tool for those who are trying to get unstuck in their recovery work.
Samuel discusses a normal struggle for couples in crisis due to infidelity.
I am writing this as I sit on a flight to a sunny destination with my husband; the same man who has courageously fought to give our marriage another chance.
So much has changed in our lives over the past few years. We have aged. We have toughened. We are different now. The innocence we once had is gone.
Yet many things about us remain strangely familiar: our quirks and idiosyncrasies. One example of this, is that we are not sitting together on our flight. It baffles me how I can never seem to quite remember to check into Southwest Airlines early enough to get decent boarding numbers. My poor family doesn't even realize that families can sit together, because I can't recall a time we have ever been in the A boarding group. My husband smiles and knows this about me,...
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