Are You or Your Spouse 'In-Process' or Not? Helping Spouses Heal from Infidelity

Samuel shares a monumental recovery tool for those who are trying to get unstuck in their recovery work.

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Good work

Just wanted to express my appreciation for our blogs and I am loving the pod cast. Thank you for all your work.

thanks so much for that....

thank you for the encouragement friend.   doin what i can and helps so much to hear great feedback.


Thank you

We greatly appreciate your God given ability to communicate for both the unfaithful and the betrayed.
Just know God is using you powerfully in our lives
This information has been invaluable to saving our marriage thank you

very very kind of you...

thank you Misty6459....means so much to hear that.  it's been a difficult season for all of us here on the site and in our own home.   thank you and we appreciate your prayers for sure! 

What can i do?

I'm Amira. My spouse and I have been trying to heal from infidelity for a year now but I only gave him full disclosure about 3 weeks ago which i know is the most selfish thing I could've done to him. I was too scared of telling everything before and when i finally did, he has pulled away, which of course is understandable. He wants a trial separation and i think it's a good idea because i know i need to fix a lot of things about myself. He says he doesn't want to put in anymore effort because he wants to protect himself from getting hurt again and says all efforts are on me now. I completely respect and understand his decision. I haven't been making it easier at all on him. We are both going for individual therapy work with specialists and i just want to know, what can i do? How can i make this work? He says he still wants this to work. Can you please help me? How can i get his trust back when i have repeatedly broken it? i want to fix this so badly i just don't know how

it's a process....

here is an article on trust that will help my friend:  i think you have to continue working through the microtrusts as well as honesty which then spills over into intimacy which then will help grow trust.  commit to the process and to not rushing him and it will hopefully pick up speed in a steady way. 

Husband not on same page for recovery

My husband and I have been married 28 years. I am convinced that this is his first affair. At first he said it was an emotional affair as well as sexual. But in hindsight he’s trying to convince me it was purely sexual. But he also explained about all the roses and the I love use so I don’t know what to think I guess it’s not that important at this point. As you said before his whys may change. It’s been two months since DDay. . I convinced him I had programs on his phone and I could see all his taxes because I knew something had been going on for quite some time. So he reluctantly confessed. But with trickle truth. It’s Three days, since the last trickle DDay ... Nothing major that day basically the one rose he gave her was actually a dozen. Then one night he spent with her was actually the first two days of moving in before he had a change of heart and Can you do you fair but did not move in with her..To be as brief as I can. My husband travels for a job he comes home a couple days a month I use to trace to see him. Regularly but since adopting our grandchildren I wasn’t able to do that anymore..
Since his betrayal of two months physical and the next two months Sexting. We both want to try to make the marriage work. I’m having a difficult time but I’m doing every video you have reading every blog. It helps me immensely I can’t tell you how much I appreciated it. When he is home once a month we are musicians and we Play at local venues. I’ve asked him if he would do anything and everything , for as long as it takes? He agreed . he would. I explained that the music especially the words in the country music is a huge trigger for me. I would definitely not be able to do it. at least for a long while. I asked him if he could give it up until I feel like I’m in a better place. He wants to continue without me it. And he had already contacted the members of the band is sure that this is possible. Iright after discovery! I feel betrayed all over again. He says of course I will give it up if that’s what it takes but he doesn’t understand why. And ended with I don’t want though. I love playing..
I would like to add that in my mind if it had been reversed I would’ve said sure can we have a different venue of music can we have a different avenue somewhere where there’s no alcohol or religious maybe but that’s a whole Nother story. He didn’t think of that and I didn’t bring it up I wanted it to be his idea not mine. We are planning on attending a weekend in Colorado but waiting for the time and the funds to be appropriate thanks anything you can add would help me immensely. Ps. He has since left the state where he was with the AP and now is in the southern states just in case you were wondering And I have since made arrangements to be with him a lot more frequently on a regular basis if I can get past this. Right now I’m just wanting it more than I’m feeling able to do so
I’m dying in Missouri

In process

I can learn something different each time I listen to one of your videos. Thanks so much.



I just wanted to say thank you for your dedication and vulnerability and willingness to share your wisdom. These videos have made such an impact on me. I found out about my husbands affair spring 2017 and found Affair Recovery soon afterward. I have read so much from the library, watched videos frim the library, been active on the forum. And I have gained so much from all of those. However my husband hasnt done any of those things.

But what he has done is watch your videos. Not as many as I’d like of course but for so long your videos are the one piece of active recovery he has participated in. He finds you relatable, understandable,the kind of guy he would hang out with in real life. And your videos permeate his heart.

I can’t imagine the amount of work and sacrifice that goes into the videos but from my heart I want I say thank you. Your efforts have eternal impact and I think on the other side you will be in awe of how far they reached and how many peoples lives were impacted.

Thank you,


so so kind....

thank you for your kind words beloved.  it has been an interesting year with lots of drama, but i find myself so content in being able to help those who are trying to heal and find hope.  thank you for your message as it encourages me so much and gives me hope for the next season and chapter.  means a ton i hope you know that.  thank you


What type of affair was it?

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-D, Texas