The Shocking Truth About Trust

If you don't know how you'll ever trust again or if you don't know what to do to regain a lost trust, then read this ebook. It explains the basis of trust as well as the three components for trust.

Additionally, tips for both the hurt spouse and the unfaithful spouse are given to assist in their journey toward wholeness. This practical advice comes from decades of clinical experience in the treatment of couples and individuals dealing with infidelity. I hope you'll take advantage of this valuable resource.

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Comment on E-Book version of The Shocking Truth About Trust

I have just finished reading the E-Book version of this book sent to me by the Affair Recovery website. It is an excellent read. I learned about healing processes for myself, the betrayed spouse, but also learned a perspective of my husbands view. A lot of what I
read brought tears of painful thoughts but allowed me to think a bit more clearly. I sent the email to my husband and hope that he will read this book. We are having communication issues and living in 2 separate countries is making things a lot harder. Thank you for the information within this book! It gave me a little hope to continue on, at least for today.......

Stay on your own side of the street

Gladly...actually, I think I will construct an inpenatrable barrier between my side of the street and his side of the street!
I don’t seem to be able to get passed the managing immediate pain step..., doing the Bootcamp Day 2 highlighted to me I have an entire world of pain coping strategies and the only Step that I believe to be conceptually effective is Grieve and Accept however....

When I look into Grieve and Accept it’s like a infinitely long black tunnel and ALL the pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life lurks in there, in the various intervals like some I shut that and go back to Numb, Ignore, Avoid, Transmit...

How does one begin to Grieve?

Begin to Grieve

Surrender to the truth about all of it. Don't hide from any of seek out counseling so that you can look at it all, piece by piece.

There's a lot more to betrayal than the sex

I'm with you -I'm there -I'm struggling with Vietnam war betrayal AND my wife's. I'm taking fire on 3 sides - there's always a story that's worse!

the shocking truth about trust

I've been unfaithful. I betrayed the person I love with all my heart.I'm reading the book and I cry for shame and guilt. I will do all I can to help the person I love find the road to forgiveness even if he does not want to be with me again. Thanks for your help. I feel lost but I try to fight with your support too. sorry if I do not speak well. I'm Italian and I use the translator. thank you very much

I'm finally realizing what I didn't want to face

I have been struggling with my husband on and off for some 10 years. 4 years ago I found out there was someone else, but I wasn't able to determine what exactly happened and if it was still going on. The constant lying and denial broke me until I started to lose my love for him. The more I've tried to understand his thinking and observe his actions, I have realized that he never truly loved me. He's not really capable of the deep vulnerable love that can be so fulfilling. I don't see him having it with our children and now I clearly see he doesn't have it for me. He never really did, now that I look back at our 35 years together. His family doesn't have it either. And I can see similar traits in my birth family. Some people just don't know how to love other people. But they do like to be cared for, that I know. They are ultimately, selfish in that regard and they take advantage of the people who love them.

The saddest part of this is I don't think I will ever be able to fully love again. That part of me has died.

Saddest part

I’m with you here. I’m coming to the realization that I married a cheater.
He had cheated on his first wife after he had caught her cheating on him. Early on in our relationship together BEFORE we got married, I had asked why he had divorced. He said it was because he had caught his wife cheating on him.
What he didn’t tell me, is that he had also had a revenge affair before they divorced each other.
He has told me that the divorce was mutual. The marriage lasted less than two years.
I’m married to someone who cheats when he thinks he has been slighted in any way. He has held grudges for years with potential clients because he didn’t feel that they were fair with him.
He’s been negative towards others in his sporting world who have had the attention put on them and he feels he should have that attention. “Hey, I’m special because. . . , you should write an article about me.”
The years of lying and deception have nearly destroyed any love I have had for him.
I still see that it is possible for him to be the man that I thought I married so many decades ago.
He was adventurous, he was willing to work hard to have a successful business, he did help others without having something in return from them, he was my partner in many ways.
He has been ultimately selfish and used those who have cared for him and who have loved him.
“The saddest part of this is I don’t think I will be ever” able to fully trust loving him again. I believe that part of me has died.
He has severely injured that part of me so many times and I am not sure if I can ever recover from the damage caused.

Lost trust

I was married for 15 years. My husband carried on an affair for 15 months. Throughout the entire 15 months he constantly told me the affair was over, he stopped seeing her, he felt regret for his actions and would do anything to make our marriage work. And for the same 15 months he was continuously seeing his AP, leaving work to spend time with her, spending money from our savings account on her bills and buying lavish gifts for her. I finally requested my now ex-husband move out and I filed for divorce. The extent he went to lie, cheat and steal from our account caused me to question every word he spoke and I can never regain trust for him. Reconciliation is not possible.

When the unfaithful has narcissistic and psychopathic tendencies

When is sharing information on healing dangerous? I am committed to my healing and to the process of his personal recovery. If the two can come together that would be great but is not my priority. Especially now seeing his disfunction and possible personality disorders. He’s all in as far as his “healing” and mine goes. He wants to be a better man. A different human. But given his personality traits and all that has been discovered I fear him. I fear helping him “heal” as it is only a ploy for him to perfect his “image” he so desperately wants. And seeks through validation of others. Are there rules or boundaries to what information is safe and unsafe for him to see. For example the book above on trust. Couldn’t that just be a roadmap for someone like him?

The Truth About Trust

Thank you so very much. I'm sure this will help me immensely. I'm not there yet. God Bless you :)

I am the betrayed spouse and

I am the betrayed spouse and this has honestly been the most helpful article I have read. I found out that my husband was having an affair last Valentine’s Day with someone in his office at work. He was texting her next to me on the couch. He initially lied over and over about details of the affair to try not to look so bad. But that made things worse. Even if he eventually has come clean about it all I still can’t bring myself to believe he has told me everything. To this day I still don’t know what he has told the truth about because of the months of lies after the discovery. Not knowing the truth and him not thinking I deserve the truth prevents me from moving forward to the next step: forgiveness. I need to talk about the affair to process the pain and heal. He gets mad when I want to talk about it and thinks I am just trying to rake him over the coals. The Listen chapter quotes hit home for me.


As is most of the information I've (we've) gathered from Affair Recovery, this ebook is invaluable to me. It's only been 2 weeks since DD when my husband told me about his affair with his ex (and the mother of his children) but I have faith we will triumph because he is just as committed to saving our relationship as I am. Because of logistics, we live in different towns but still see each other almost daily. We were also cursed that while going through the hormonal hell that is menopause (with all the symptoms and changes that nobody tells you about and insensitive doctors tell you are 'perfectly normal'), I withdrew from the Us, naively thinking it would take care of itself in time. We got entirely too 'comfortable ' living separate lives which left him confused and vulnerable. When he returned from a business trip, he confessed his affair (which he had already ended). I was shattered, as expected...but so was he. Even though we immediately recommitted to our relationship, I was terrified that we wouldn't be able to work through my pain and his pain and shame. The information on your site has been our saving grace...understanding that Saying the words is just the first step. With your help, we feel much better prepared for the work to come. It has been particularly helpful to me in understanding and dealing with the anxiety and has given him the 'tools' to help us rebuild trust and understand (and guard against) his own vulnerabilities! I found it both discouraging and Encouraging to come to the realization that we have a 'long row to hoe.' :-/ But forewarned is forearmed! And we have learned (quickly) that we should never leave our love to fend for itself! We're working together to rearrange our commitments and priorities to create a safe place for our relationship.
Thank you

The shocking truth about trust

This reading has helped to give me hope for the first time in years. Thirty five years ago my wife had a 2+ year long affair with one of her co-workers, was exposed and had to tell me about it. We went to counseling for about two years at my suggestion. Actually I went for 2 years, she about 1 Year. We thought this affair was dead and buried until our retirement, now it’s back and neither one of us knows why. More importantly the new Counsler we went to looked mostly at me because after all it’s been 35 years since the affair. I moved on to a new counselor a male this time hoping someone could see my point of view. He was sympathetic but I still have to change the way I think about my wife’s infidelity. I agreed with him but how. I needed my wife to help with the healing and she doesn’t want to cooperate, “it’s been 35 years, let it go.” Our marriage was not healthy from the beginning, I had a alcohol problem and would come home drunk about once a week. About six years into the marriage we moved to a major city on the west coast. I had stopped drinking a short time before the move and didn’t drink for about 4 years. I was trying to be a better spouse but had much baggage from childhood. I didn’t know how to be a good husband and I didn’t know how unhappy she was in the marriage. I have read many articles from Affair Recovery, finally someone has explained how to truly recover from an affair. I have tried for so long to let my feelings be known and to have a explanation as to why I feel hurt and untrusting for so many years. I am hoping to get my wife on board with our recovery with the help of this organization. I wish this information was available 35 years ago, would have been so much easier. Thank you Affair Recovery, kd

Shoking truth about trust

As I read this book, I felt understood and conformed. It is the first time in the last two and half years. It reflects exactly what I was feeling and was instinctivly longing for to hear as a bertayed partner. I really wish and hope that my unfaithful partner would read throuhh this material, even if it just for his own healing and moving forward out of this horrible situation... I would really recommend it to each person who looks for a direction in such a dark time of his life as this. Great insite. Thank you very much. Thank you for helping us to move forward and for giving the practical guideness toward the nessesary healing and restoration.

Single Best Piece of Literature

This is, without a doubt, the single most important, eye-opening, validating, informative and helpful piece of writing I’ve encountered during this awful experience. It’s been 26 months since D-day, and, while I know I’ve made some progress, and we are (outwardly) in reconciliation, my WH has done almost nothing to assist in my healing or worked towards repairing the relationship. He is the king of lip service, saying what he thinks I want to hear, just to get me to stop talking about it. He never follows through with his actions, and has shown zero initiative on his own.

I know I’ve played a part in letting things get this bad - I should have left the second I found out. I had one opportunity to go, but I didn’t take it because I loved him and I thought he loved me and that we could fix things. I was wrong.
Since DDay, there have been a thousand offenses, so many instances of boundary crossing worth splitting over, but I’m now financially unable to just leave, and my child has put down roots, is on a good path, adjusted well, dealt with so much more upheaval than anyone should have to at their age, and I cannot simply yank them from it all, now. What kind of mother would that make me?!?

So, I’ve resolved to do my best to give them a solid base for the next few years, until they set off into the world on their own. In the meantime, the foolish girl in me continues to make little attempts at reaching the decent human being I swear is buried beneath WH’s moody, selfish, emotionally stunted exterior. This “book” (more of an article, really) is probably the hundredth thing I’ve read, either from the Affair Recovery website, or any of the other countless resources I’ve looked into over the last two years. It’s the first that has encompassed everything that my WH struggles with or outright fails at doing. It is the first piece that put everything in terms I know he can grasp. It’s the first which really drives home the importance of the things I keep saying I need from him, and why all his verbal placations do more damage than good.

He refuses to read anything, hates reading in general, and doesn’t have the patience to watch any videos or even clips. So, instead, I think I’ll read this to him. Slowly. Making frequent eye contact. One chapter at a time, allowing the information to really sink in. And I will allow that foolish girl in me to have just a teensy, tiny, itty bitty little shred of hope that something might resonate. Fingers crossed, but heart guarded.

Thank you, again, for this invaluable resource.

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-D, Texas