Silencing the Imposter: Finding True Validation in Recovery

Healing from infidelity often leaves us questioning our fundamental worth and identity. Recently, I was meeting with a group of believers as we discussed our most recent book study. One of the members was talking about being “made in the image of God” and even though I have heard that phrase 500,000 times in my life, this time was different.

While sitting in my office chair on a video call, my inner self was whisked away to that place deep in my soul where big concepts begin. In that quiet place, the phrase 'made in His image' reverberated like a gong. Words began pinging against invisible walls: Wonderfully made. His character. Through me. For such a time as this.

All the bits and pieces of concepts and ideas and thoughts, and acquired knowledge from my entire lifetime and from a source outside myself were clanging and vibrating and moving until with a flash like lightning they all came together into the image of a new concept. One I actually had words for.

I “came to” in the meeting, totally lost as to what had been said, but buzzing with a brand new, life-altering concept. I waited for the words to finish forming, and for a space to speak, then shaking with nerves, I shared what I had learned.

We are created in the image of God. God is bigger and more infinite than any one human could ever fathom or be. There has never been a copy of any human in the entire history of the Earth. I am literally the only “me” that has ever existed or will ever exist. God made me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He created every part of me. Not only my physical appearance but also my character, my personality, everything about me. I am made in His image. SO…I am intentionally and specifically made in the image of specific and intentional characteristics and traits of God. I walk around with my own personal piece of Jesus living in my soul and I am the only person in all of history that can present it in the very “me” way.

What an incredible gift.

God has created each and every person in the history of all time past, present and future, to be a particular example of Him, if we will only recognize it and let Him show through. This also means that every person we come into contact with, also has a specific piece of Jesus living in them, even if they don’t know it yet, or choose not to show it, or have let the enemy cast a shadow over it.

It is there. In every person.

What if that is part of what it is to love like Jesus? To look at a person and see the piece of Him that exists within them? To look for the characteristics and traits of God that only they can portray to the world in the way He created them to. What if we looked for that in others?

In the wake of infidelity, looking at our spouse and trying to see the image of God in them can feel impossible. But what if we looked for the characteristics of God that they can portray, beneath the brokenness and the betrayal?

I will pray for help in getting there, not only with others, but with myself. As someone whose story has been deeply impacted by an addiction to validation, the approval of others, and an unhealthy need to be liked and wanted, this concept completely changes my perception of my recovery.

God gave me everything; God made me who I am. People don’t approve of the real “me”—they approve of the reflection of God that He placed in me. The character He gave me, the personality He placed there. No one can validate that except for Him. When the enemy whispers and tries to skew my worth—tempting me to seek validation in the world, or in the attention of others—I realize that it is just the world in them being drawn to the world in me. I don’t want that anymore.

My desperate need for outside attention and validation is exactly what Brennan Manning so aptly named “the imposter.” Because any part of me that craves those worldly things isn’t the real me at all. The real me is fearfully, wonderfully, and uniquely made in His image—and that is enough."