Q&A Does He Really Want Me?

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Question: 

My husband and I were at an impasse after several years of unhealthy communicating and fighting habits. His verbal attacks when I would express my needs or any dissatisfaction with him made him an unsafe person to trust with my feelings, and eventually with physical intimacy. I had pulled back to the extent that over time we had become friendly roommates. I had been sleeping in another bedroom for quite some time when he accepted the advances of an old high school girlfriend on Facebook Messenger, and the long-distance affair escalated very quickly. He told her his most intimate desires while trashing me and all of my selfishness and unwillingness to make him happy. It was so hurtful to learn he had turned to someone else so quickly and completely instead of caring enough about me to try to fix what was wrong with us. When I confronted him and told him I was leaving he surprised me by telling me he wanted me to stay. In the subsequent weeks he repented and asked my forgiveness and we began putting ourselves back together, but to be honest I've been the one putting in the most effort. He says he doesn't miss her and does not need to get over her, even though they were planning to be married! He told me it was very easy for him to switch back over to me, because now I am meeting his emotional and physical needs. So, he’s not loving the PERSON but whoever will fill his needs? Is this normal or am I over-thinking this? I don't feel it's me he loves, but just having someone with whom minimal effort is required on his part. Thank you for your help.

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