Q&A How Can I Share My Anxiety and Concerns With Him?

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It's been 20 months since I discovered my husband's affair and he continues to say he has ZERO remorse, refuses to disclose any affair details "will take to his grave" and wants me to just "bury it and move forward". Clearly, 20 months out and surprise, I'm not over it. I have been working to own my role in our disconnection (my own therapist and HH), but my husband continues to blame me for his affair and says "we weren't married" so in his mind he wasn't cheating. This issue is how should I lovingly bring up my anxiety and concerns that I am "not over it" as his actions, alhough superficially nice and we have some time together but it doesn't come close to the relationship he had (or is still having) from what I discovered when I spied last year after discovery about the restaurants, trips etc he took (again--he admits NOTHING and REFUSE to even look at my evidence--yells, name-call, stonewalls whenever affair is mentioned). This week, he texted me that the male friend that helped cover for him during the affair activity and he wanted to go out for drinks. This was his MO (I discovered) when he went out with AP. This night he wants to meet for drinks the AP birthday. My husband continued to hide devices, passwords, banking so I am not sure and have stopped investigating if the affair is still go on (I've focused the past year on my own healing and becoming a better partner--what I can own). We are not Christian but I would appreciate any advice on how to deal with him going out with this friend without setting him off but letting him know lovingly that I am still struggling to "move forward"? Thanks.



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