Q&A How Do I Build Trust with My Wayward Spouse?

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Question: 

My husband and I are 3 years post D-Day. After one year I signed up for Harboring Hope after I finished the program I left it in God's hands whether or not spouse took Hope for Healing. In year 2, post D-Day, he signed up. I was so hopeful that this would help us, him foster empathy, help me trust him, and his commitment. However I recently discovered he did not do ANY of the homework that was given in the lessons. He mentioned writing a letter of all the losses I, his wife had to deal with, because of his affairs. But only after I mentioned it. Then he said he read me the letter, but he didn't. It's infuriated me in a sense, because now I feel like he's just been checking boxes. I wanted him to gain healing too. I've told him that intimacy will not grow, and neither will trust, when he doesn't do the deep work, and isn't fully transparent. I don't know how to build trust with him some days. I've seen good changes, but each lie or secret makes me feel unsafe again, like we are back at square 1. As for now I'm committed to healing aside from him, but can't be intimate with him lately. Just no feelings toward him, and battle feeling unsafe and triggered now.

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